Bramson’s Beach & Ballsy Banter: T.W.O.A.A.A.

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By Bennett A. Bramson, MPA

It has filtered into films and commercials. It has become pervasive to the point of leaving people (especially me) scratching our collective heads in ignorance, as we seek to crack the code.

What is this strange new language that requires deciphering? TWOAAA. The World of Acronyms, Abbreviations, and Absurdity.

There was even a commercial on television for one of the cell phone service providers, where the little girl speaks to her Mom in acronyms, and we, the viewing audience, get the benefit of the acronym explanations in subtitles.

I thought about writing this article entirely in acronyms, but you probably would have spent the better part of… a century, trying to decipher the code.

Our children have developed an incredible grasp of language (their own), which has absolutely no correlation with the English language (or any other known language for that matter).

Now everything is spelled with abbreviations, or acronyms. But, ask someone to actually spell correctly, use proper grammar, punctuation, or syntax? Not on your life. That’s truly speaking a foreign language to them.

We have become accustomed in our lives to things such as IRS, NASA, UPS, FedEx, and others as part of our everyday vernacular.

In Aspen, almost everything uses, no requires, an acronym. Here’s the first part of the test (for Aspenites only – answers at the end of the article):

COWOP
ASCAC
JAS
AMFS
ACRA
AHS (2)
ACIH
SAAB (no, not the car)
AAM

How about acronyms used on a more global basis such as AIDS. (Did you know that there used to be a diet product called AIDS? – a virulent disease with the same name can certainly kill your business).

Part II: If you are over the age of 30, these may be vaguely familiar. Try them on for size: (answers at the end of the column)

SIDS
BYOB
TTFN
BFF
FUBAR (I won’t reveal that one…someone you know can explain)
ADD
ADHD
ED (Here’s a hint: Those people with Ph.D’s in Education must cringe every time the commercials for Cialis or Viagra come on).

One simple theory is that everyone today is in a hurry. We have to get there now, do it fast, succeed overnight, achieve instant gratification, forego foreplay, and get to the business at hand (no pun intended).

However, I subscribe more to the theory of mind-over-matter.

A generation ago (and before) we thought at 500 words per minute and spoke at 200 words per minute. We had a good mind…and that’s what mattered.

Today, there is not that much that matters in this generations’ small minds, so they think at 200 words per minute and speak at 500 words per minute, which requires frequent insertion of fillers (such as ‘like,’ ‘you know’ and ‘ummm’) and endless use of acronyms and abbreviations, to reduce the time needed to have a real conversation.

The students I have taught at various universities are having to re-learn the English language in order to communicate without the likes, umms, and you-knows. My particular favorite is interviews on ESPN (another acronym) with athletes earning millions of dollars.

Broadcaster: “You led an incredible come back with only 10 seconds left to pull out the victory. What do you think helped the sudden change in momentum?”

Athlete: (stated in a grunting voice): Well, you know, it was real hard, but you know, we tried hard and you know, we are a team, you know, so we, like, came back as a team, you know?

DYUTWTACOOMM? (Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth)?

But, I can’t even begin to list the acronyms and abbreviations which have become so commonplace they have virtually taken the place of language.

Oh, so here are the answers to your quizzes – For Aspenites:

COWOP – Convenience or Welfare of the Public (really, I served on one of these committees)
ASCAC – Aspen Snowmass Cultural Affairs Commission (sounds like an insurance commercial with a duck)
JAS – Jazz Aspen Snowmass
AMFS – Aspen Music Festival and School (known as the Fest or Music Associates to ol’ timers)
ACRA – Aspen Chamber Resort Association (sounds like something going bad in the fridge)
AHS (2) – Aspen Historical Society and Aspen High School
ACIH – Aspen Center for Integral Health (oops, gone)
AYE – Aspen Youth Experience (oops, gone)
SAAB (no, not the car) – Snowmass, Aspen, Aspen Highlands, Buttermilk
AAM – Aspen Art Museum

And, Part II: Other world acronyms.

SIDS – Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (and I know so many nice guys named Sid)
BYOB – Bring Your Own Booze
TTFN – Ta-Ta for Now (wouldn’t bye be much easier)
BFF – Best Friends Forever
FUBAR (I won’t reveal that one…someone you know can explain)
ADD – Attention Deficit Disorder (and I thought it was as simple as 1 = 1)
ADHD – Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (a way to spice up the previous –
one-upmanship)
ED – Erectile Dysfunction

So, what’s a thinking person to do? Chalk it up to age, generation gap, ignorance (on my part), or just an inability to keep up with the inevitable changes?

No, I have found a much simpler solution that enables me not to internalize and agonize over this kind of inane issue.

I just LOL…and walk away! (That’s Laughing Out Loud for you non-computer types).

KOB – Keep on bantering!