Doctor Curmudgeon®: The Tyranny of the Office Phone

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By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAP

“I’m a personal friend of Philomena (all names used in this column are fake…yes…fake names…so there!). You know, Dr. Philomena Curmudgeon and she told me to call her today because it is very important that I speak with her immediately. So, be sure to give her this message. Or she will be very, very mad, because my call is important! Just tell her it’s Jim, returning her call.”

And, of course, it was important.

It was so urgent, that the message could not hit the trash fast enough.

So important that it never entered the on-line messages sent throughout the office.

Doctor Curmudgeon® had never called the annoying person on the phone and had never heard of him.

These concocted, phony, spurious calls assault her office several times a week.
Doctor Curmudgeon® says, “A Pox on them!”

Do these slippery voiced callers actually expect that Doctor Curmudgeon® as financially dim as she is…would really invest in a fabulous project to manufacture wooly covers to protect the sensitive flippers of dolphins? She does have a soft spot in her heart for these lovely creatures, but the soft spot is only in her heart, not in her head.

Silver tongued orators call with claims that they are from large companies, and since Doctor Curmudgeon® has used their product, she is now entitled to fabulous compensation! Wow! Entitled? Not one of her favorite words.

So, this unwelcome opportunistic caller had been sold her information by some entity from which she had made a purchase. Or she was hacked and her email noted that she ordered from Chocolateforever.com. Mayhap, she used the product, and was not unhappy. The product, whatever it was, was presented to her as promised. Entitled? The phone is slammed down by her office manager before the caller can take his next breath.

The fairly frequent type of caller who, out of pure goodness, must notify the physician that a letter was sent announcing that she was the only heir to a fortune and she must attend to it immediately and follow the instructions in the letter perfectly.
Really?

Have you noticed that all these wonderful projects, investments and spectacular opportunities require immediate attention?

Of course they do

Doctor Curmudgeon® must send funds, sign documents and/or prick her finger to seal the deal in blood…or she will lose out!

Fortunately, Doctor Curmudgeon® sleeps very well at night, reflecting on all these golden opportunities that she has allowed to pass her by.

Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.

SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”

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