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Doctor Curmudgeon®: I Don’t Tweet, Facebook or Answer Your Email


By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAP

“Oh, Doctor,” she gushed. “You simply must set up a Facebook account.

Of course, I glared at her.

I am a Curmudgeon.

I glared.

That is what Curmudgeons do

We glare.

We have a “stony-faced look.”

We stare.

We can even raise one eyebrow and look quizzical.

“Why?” I queried

She appeared to be dumbfounded by my one word answer.

I sighed with relief. She had stopped talking and I could listen to her heart.

After we had reviewed her studies, made recommendations, answered her questions about her health, she returned to the topic that seemed to be uppermost on her mind.

“You know, Doctor Curmudgeon, if you were on Facebook, we could keep up with what each one of us is doing, every day.” She smiled, “Now, wouldn’t that be nice?”


Then, she presented me with one of the responses that really gets my Curmudgeon up.
“Well, everybody’s doing it.”

I suppressed the words that leaped into my mind.
After all, she was a fine woman and meant well. The idea of exposing myself several times a day, telling people what I ate, what I was doing at that very moment, learning that George was upset over something Hermione had said…appalls me.

Why would I want more data collected about me? There is already enough out there

Why, would I want to tweet?

I speak in sentences, in paragraphs and sometimes in pages.

I abhor abbreviations, such as Xmas for Christmas, clever shortened misspellings, such as ‘fite” for fight, “u” for you, “r” for are, or an icon of a heart for love or whatever it is trying to express.

And, being a Curmudgeon, there are times when I join those who populate Conspiracy theory groups. Entities like Facebook do not only serve as vehicles to find out more about me, but they are addictive. Once you start checking in several times a day….you are hooked…and you go there more and more….and say things more and more…

The only way to take the Facebook or Twitter cure is to STOP! Cold turkey.

There are so many other things available.

Here are Doctor Curmudgeon®’s thoughts on avoiding, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or any other social media.
Actually read a book. You will find turning pages quite therapeutic.
Go for a walk look at the grass and hug a tree.
Call a friend and have a real conversation where you listen to each other.
And if not of that helps, you can always go through your closet, clean the refrigerator of meditate.

Just don’t send me an IM!!

Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.

SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”

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