Doctor Curmudgeon®: The Virus, The Computer & I…

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By Diane Batshaw Eisman M.D. FAAFP

Whatever you do, do not give me advice on how to treat my cold or viral infestation.

I was snarling my way through charts, paperwork and other administrative garbage…when suddenly it struck!

That first tickle in my nose. Then many more sneezes followed. And then I felt a tad yucky. Sudden onset. No allergens around. A virus had grabbed me.

Masked up, I continued through my day. And when people inquired about my mask, I explained that I had a simple cold. It was then that I, a small, irritable physician, became bombarded with advice:

“Chomp on garlic.

“You should never had had the flu vaccine.

“The vaccine caused your cold

“You are too nasty to chiropractors

“You need more sleep

“You eat too much chocolate and it is bad for you

“You drink coffee and it is bad for you.”

And so I just grinned and bore the comments until the end of the day.

By that evening, I felt a bit worse with that stuffy old nose and was grateful that the next day was my day off. I took Sambucol (elderberry extract) and lots of fluid and expected to be better in a day or two.

Wrong!

The cough began and then a slightly elevated temp

Exhaustion followed

Did not go to the office and my partner covered my patients.

Could not work out and my elliptical gathered dust.

But, no myalgias…just coughing and exhaustion

Not influenza, just one of the many viruses roaming around.

Yuck of all yucks!

So many viruses around us. Just too numerous to count.

Tired and at home, I thought I could do some work at my computer.

I stumbled down the stairs and….

The computer was too sick to boot up! It had deserted me in my hour of need.

Oh, pish posh. I just have to interrupt here. I am Doctor Curmudgeon®’s much aligned and too often blamed computer.

Yes, I had a virus.

And it is all her fault!

I am sure she gave it to me.

She does not treat me well.

She eats cookies and crumbs go all over my keyboard

She never compliments me.

She is so ungrateful for all the support I give her.

Yes!

I caught her virus.

And she should just stop complaining.

She is lucky that I don’t give that virus back to her!

Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.

SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”

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