Doctor Curmudgeon®: Living In a Universe When…

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By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAP

Being an old nerdy science fiction loving child, I had often fantasized, day dreamed and thought out loud about what it would be like to live in an alternate universe.

But then, I wondered: How would I know if I were living in an alternate universe?

Would my parents and friends behave in the same way towards me?

Would I have the same skills?

Would I have the same faults?

Would I be taller?

Would I be cuter?

Would the street that I lived on look a little different?

But now I believe it has finally happened.

I have arrived in an alternate universe

It was about one and on half years ago, when I became aware of a list of banned words that was bantered about in my email, the internet, newspapers and other media.

A missive had been sent to the Department of Health and Human Services.

Certain phrases and words were now to be avoided.

“Science based” was one of the horrors that caught my frenzied gaze

“Science based?” Really? What idiot or grouping of idiots was condemning this phrase?

And here’s another one; “fetus.” Wow! Oh yes, this is really a filthy word. How dare anyone use this word in mixed company.

What about “vulnerable?” Whatever you do, please do not use this in the company of children. They are so vulnerable. No way should they ever have their ears assaulted by this word.

“Evidence based” was another phrase to be avoided at all costs. Only the worst of the worst would use that word. Be sure to tell all my professors that taught me in medical school, and all the scientists diligently pursuing their research. A pox on you all if you dare to speak this phrase. Do not even dare to whisper it. The whisper police will get you!

I am now retreating to my little safe office, with my partner at the next desk, my Chicago Cubs Teddy Bear sitting in front of me and the stacks of patient calls waiting for me.

But before I do so, I will go into the hall of our building and screech as loudly as I can

“FETUS!

“EVIDENCE BASED!

“SCIENCE BASED!

“VULNERABLE!

“DIVERSITY!

“TRANSGENDER!”

I await notices that this directive no longer exists…or that this is truly an alternate universe.

Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician=satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.
SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”

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