Doctor Curmudgeon® Why Do You Not Like Me?

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By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAP Doctor Eisman, is in Family Practice in Aventura, Florida with her partner, Dr. Eugene Eisman, an internist/cardiologist

With everything that is happening on this planet at this time in this specific universe…every extra irritation is more than just a blip.

To a human being who has been cranky since childhood, little things create big vexations.

Doctor Curmudgeon® now maintains a higher than normal level of pique, impatience and exasperation.

Long had the GPS in her car raised her degree of infuriation. It would frequently present her with such imprecise instructions as “keep to the right;” when if she had veered off to the right, she would have been off the freeway. The ridiculous voice meant “stay on the straightaway.” But it was unable to say that clearly.

GPs supposedly stands for Global Positioning System. But for a geographically challenged person with no idea of location; who is delighted to be able to find her way back and forth to her office –GPS is not intuitive,. She needs clear instructions such as
In two blocks you will see a drugstore that says, People’s Pockets,
Do not turn right at that corner.
Slay in the right hand lane
On the block after People’s Pockets, you will see a gas station with
One person who is six feet tall, wearing a blue t Shirt
At that corner, you make a right hand turn
Count six stores and the seventh is your destination
However, it is now closed.
So…go home…and do not take off your mask until you are
Inside the house.

However, instead of such clear directions, her GPs just keeps repeating: “Redirecting route. Calculating new Route. Listen up, you idiot!”

And Siri? Don’t even ask. We have a dysfunctional relationship.

Several years ago, a close friend who is a physician, medical educator, researcher and mother of several children was scheduled to speak at a conference in Boston. In my text to her, I used SIRI and said, “I do hope you get a rest in Boston.” And, of course, I did not read it until after it was sent and SIRI (whom I am now certain does not like me at all) had written “I do hope you arrested in Boston.”

But the worst Siri relationship that Doctor Curmudgeon® ever heard about was from another doctor., This woman was texting away to an attorney who had helped her and, of course, after it had been sent…she read….with horror:

“Thank you so much…you douche!”

Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.

SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”

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