Dear Stacy: Strippers, Groupies & Acceptance…
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By Stacy Koruba
My husband and I relocated to Las Vegas, Nevada in 2001. We grew up in Chicago and were both accustomed to having countless ways to entertain ourselves during our lifetime. The move was at my request, my parents retired there and I wanted to be close by. It didn’t take long to figure out that if you didn’t gamble, shovel food down your gullet at the buffets, drink, or hike there was not much entertainment to offer your out of town guests. Except the multitude of strip clubs available 24 hours a day, you could find one of those sprinkled along the streets of downtown Vegas and stop in for a little entertainment anytime you like. My brother came to visit and I suggested we do just that! My husband was not very keen on the idea, but the vote was 2 to 1 and we were off to see some strippers.
We arrived at one of the local hot spots at around 7:30PM. I don’t usually drink, but it was a special occasion and Steve, my older brother can drink for the entire family so I decided to have a few with him. Mark on the other hand doesn’t drink and he doesn’t like being touched by strangers. He sat in a corner chair, all 6’1 and 280 pounds trying to not be noticed. As the drinks flowed into me so did my voice, I am loud to begin with. My hearing isn’t that good, and when I drink, I get chatty. So, Steve is off getting lap dances and Mark has snuck off to the car to hide from the touchy-feely strippers or into the bathroom to avoid them and I find myself beginning to carry on a conversation with one of the men there. Before I can stop myself, I start with my interrogation style rapid fire questions “so, are you married?” “Does your wife know you come here?” “How often do you come to strip clubs?” The conversation intensifies, and I am not paying much attention but when I look up there are about 5 men around me now, and they are all very interested in everything I have to say. I’m like a weed in the middle of a rose garden and people are sitting around talking to me. They are buying me drinks, encouraging me to keep talking! Mark came back and in order to distract him from my sudden fame I immediately buy him a lap dance, I was in a hurry and didn’t pick someone off the A team so he’s fighting with her to get back to me and my ever-growing crowd of groupies. More men come around, and I’m on a roll now, like Dear Abby dishing out relationship advice.
We sat around conversing for an hour or more. Many men are not at strip clubs because they are sex addicts or can’t get laid. They are there because they are seeking attention that they are not getting somewhere else. Perhaps they are single and lonely, they don’t really get “sex” in a 5-minute lap dance. They get personal contact, someone showing them they care, if only for that short amount of time. Some men are there because they have fantasies that they’re too afraid to share with their partner or wife. My advice to them was that honest communication is key in all relationships, and if your partner doesn’t accept something about you then there are things the two of you need to work on as a couple. Of course, no healthy fantasy should include hurting those that don’t want to be hurt or anything illegal, but if you’re too afraid to open up in a relationship about your true desires how will you ever really know if your partner accepts you? This is just my opinion, you know your partner, what I was saying is if people can’t be open and honest with someone, they decide to spend their time or life with then what sort of life is that going to turn out to be in the end, half-truths? So many relationships fail or end up with someone being unfaithful.
Perhaps if we could all be upfront and not so afraid of judgement things wouldn’t be this way. I told them to listen to their partners as well, to listen to understand what was behind the words, not listen while thinking what their next reply was going to be. Strong solid relationships that withstand hardships and the test of time are built on a solid foundation of trust and open communication, especially during tough times. Some of the men got up and left, saying they were going home to be with their wives. I could have stayed all night, but the other strippers were getting very angry at me for taking away their business and the bouncers escorted us out for the evening. We left Steve there, he showed up the next morning asking to use our washing machine, covered in glitter and $4000 poorer. His relationship is definitely not built on a solid foundation and I know there are many things he feels he cannot talk to his wife about. If it were Mark, I would have been washing the glitter off his clothes myself because we have no secrets. The second year into our marriage we sat at two different computers in our house on yahoo messenger for an entire day, opening up with one another about all of our “dirty little secrets”. We started with the little things about our past and as the day went on, we exposed all of ourselves to one another. Marriage is about love and acceptance. We didn’t want to spend 50 years with someone and worry that they may find out anything the other may have forgotten to mention about their past. You tell your best friend all your secrets, marry your best friend.
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