Manipulation for Fun, Profit and Compassion!

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By Bethany “BST2” Armstrong

Firstly, you should know who I am, so that you can determine if I am qualified to teach you this lesson. I am, first, a mom of four amazing children; two of which have successfully achieved adulthood status, all of which are surviving and thriving. I am a trauma survivor, childhood & domestic. I am most certainly not a victim, though I have been raped with a frequency that might suggest otherwise.

I am a soul reader: or in cerebral terms; I hold a Master’s in special education with a behavior specialist concentration as well as a Bachelor’s in special education specializing in Emotional Impairment (I.e., Mental Disorders, Mental Health, Behavior Disorders, etc.) and Learning Disabilities (I.e., Developmental Delays).

Though, I would call my specialty: Reshaper of Socially Deemed Maladaptive Coping Practices, or Ally for Humans Seeking to Reconnect with Their Humanity or, perhaps, simply, Educator.

I am a behaviorist. I am a bullshit caller. I know exactly why you do the things you do if you give me a moment to view your soul. If you come at my grammar and not my content, I am going to throw down with every. single. thing. I know about fallacies and the people that use them. That said, I am a recovering fallacy addict.

I am the anti-enabler with enough hedonism thrown in to keep things fun. I buy the ticket and take the ride, every single day. My favorite professor called me “Master Manipulator”. I thought it was an insult when I was in darker places. Now I know it just means I see you; I see what you are going through, I know how to help, and I am going to do it whether you like it or not. I am, plainly and proudly, Chaotic Good. Even if I do not know your soul yet, I have your best interests as my primary motivator.

I am a huge geek for beautiful art. The bitter musings of Dr. Thompson, Van Gogh’s deluded Starry Night, Coen Brothers epic fantasies, Ed Wood’s creations, Wilbur Soots grapple with reality, Hamilton’s compulsions… it is all beautiful to me. It’s all music, and poetry, and raw and real: it’s humanity baby!

I am the personification of immense trauma. I know severe child abuse and neglect from my loving Christian family. I know molestation. I know rape. The day I was born, I was stuck in my mother’s bitter womb; they used forceps to forcibly remove me from a life I did not want. The dear doctor severed nerves in my eye while doing so; Now I’m half-blind or all-blind. The trauma started from before my first breath.

I am a magician. To escape my tortured existence, I married the first man that would have me. He was an abuser, a rapist, a narcissist. My mother told me I deserved this existence and if I didn’t want it, I should just ask God for better. Bitch. I was in it for over 20 years before I found my voice, my passion, my writing, my love, my magic. When I healed, alakazam! I made him disappear. I made him irrelevant. Poof indeed.

I am a compulsive writer. I fill the page, the screen, with my rambling nonsense, channeling Hunter, trying to get the words on the page, the emotions out of my soul. Every note is a manuscript, every tweet a play, every blog post my complete soul. While I may have a one-track approach to writing; there are several tracks and trains, running and leaping, to and fro, in my brainskull all day, every day. What you see of my soul depends on if I am happy or hungry or horny. That means I see you in your art (your writing, your tweets, your posts, your blogs, your words). I see you and I think you are beautiful. I want to help.

I have been manipulating you to my advantage this entire time. I have also been modelling coping skills, teaching – always teaching, so that you might carve out an acceptable existence in this hellscape of a country. So that you might see me in my art and, perhaps, see my beauty.
But, alas, I promised a lesson in how to cope, how to survive, how to manipulate those around you by manipulating the environment. Sometimes it is difficult to find the nuances in art and so I will be direct with my instruction.

1. Love yourself far more than the people around you do. Give yourself respect, compassion, and grace. Learn healthy boundaries, respect them for yourself and others. Research rational detachment. Practice self-care like a religion. Do something selfish every single day. Something that makes you feel good and beautiful. Something that does not harm a single living thing. Even if it’s only for 5 minutes, it is vital.

2. Give attention to the artists. Read like a motherfucker. (Start with Brene Brown if you’re feeling shame or Hunter S. Thompson if you’re feeling frisky.) Get new perspectives, recognize how interconnected every soul on this planet is, living or dead. Seek beauty in the arts. Try to feel the emotions Van Gogh was trying to show, what the Coen Brothers are trying to visually convey, what the Ted Talks say. Take time to learn everyday, for when we stop learning, we start dying.

3. Play. Dabble in the arts. Swing, slide, or swim. Go for a walk barefoot. Indulge your inner child. Play the best of music. Watch some cartoons. Wear pajamas to go shopping. Find laughter and giggles and joy in every fucking day.

4. Hear your emotions and your body. Find out why you feel the way you feel and nourish it or starve it away. Learn how to hold your body to project compassion and confidence. If you project authority or shame, the game is over.

5. Listen to the people around you. Shut down your ego, it’s a cruel feck anyways. It whines “me me me! MY PAIN, my emotions”. That’s not what you need if you want to manipulate others. Hear people with compassion by looking for the beauty, the commonality. Repeat back what you’ve heard, so that they know they are heard. Never interrupt, never tell them what they’re feeling. Just hold space for their release of emotion. When it is done, convey how you understand, what beauty you see, and why their emotions are valid.

Now your web is complete, and the game is afoot. You can control the environment to manipulate the outcome. Like muscle, the more you exercise, the more you grow. Practice those five things regularly and you will have power over your loved ones, your boss, and your friends. Odds are, with practice, you’ll be so emotionally healthy, you won’t want to. But if you do, use this power wisely, compassionately, while you enjoy the ride.

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