Doctor Curmudgeon® Who? Me?
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By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAP Doctor Eisman, is in Family Practice in Aventura, Florida with her partner, Dr. Eugene Eisman, an internist/cardiologist
The doorbell jarred Doctor Curmudgeon away from her crossword puzzle (performed in ink, of course)
Sir Galahad (the Siberian Husky who runs the Curmudgeon household in all its aspects) said through the closed front door, “Please, just leave it on the doorstep.”
During these bizarre times, it was necessary for the Husky to assume the mantle of Director of Family Health and Safety.
Using the necessary precautions, the package was opened and found to contain a beautiful gift box enclosed in purple tissue paper (one of the curmudgeon’s favorite colors)
The cranky one grabbed the card, and it said, “Nothing but the truth, the whole truth, always.”
Rattling the box, she realized that it did not sound like a book. Books were always so welcome!
Patiently, Gally watched as the curmudgeon continued to shake the box.
Finally, Doctor Curmudgeon thrust the box at Sir Galahad, “Please, you open it. You know I make a mess of opening boxes.”
‘True,’ thought the Husky.
And inside was a T shirt, long and baggy, one hundred percent cotton.
Holding it up so that the doctor could read it, the words were:
SARCASTIC?
ME?
NEVER!
Scrunching up her eyes, Doctor Curmudgeon indignantly uttered, “Me? Sarcastic?”
From having watched many a British TV series, the Husky had learned to “keep a stiff upper lip.”
Noting his silence, Doctor Curmudgeon blurted out, “Am I really so sarcastic that a dear friend sent me this T shirt?”
“Lovingly, of course,” responded Sir Galahad.
Nodding her head, “Oh yes, lovingly, of course.”
“But, Gally, doesn’t good quality sarcasm also imply truth?”
“Not necessarily,” responded the Siberian Husky. “However, I do believe that Oscar Wilde can be quoted as commenting, ‘Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit…but the highest form of intelligence.’”.
Grabbing her IPAD and googling away, Doctor Curmudgeon said, “Look here, Gally. Good old Wikipedia says, ‘The word comes from the Greek σαρκασμός (sarkasmós) which is taken from σαρκάζειν (sarkázein) meaning “to tear flesh, bite the lip in rage, sneer’”
Patting the Doctor’s unruly hair, Galahad said “However, your sarcasm is a much kinder, gentler version.”
Nodding her head in agreement, Doctor Curmudgeon commented that she used sarcasm as a means of making a point. She did not intend to sneer.
The innocent T shirt was being crumpled into a mess in the curmudgeon’s hands. Galahad gently removed it.
As he padded away bearing the T shirt he was heard to mumble: “If the T Shirts fits, just wear it!”
Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.
SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”
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