Donald Trump The Insane Morbidly Obese Orange Racist Grifter Traitor in the QVC House In Parody!
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By Donald “Braveheart” Stewart
There is a fire in the Not So White House.
Picture the scene…
Mr. Trump has his coloring book out and the nurse has just administered her nightly dose of “cocoa”.
He is still a little confused about the science stuff that was talked about earlier in the day though he has watched the programme all about the dangers of fire that the Big Yellow Bird explained well. He thought he knew it all. In fact, he thought he knew all about science better than anyone else knew it.
Then came the briefing thing. He doesn’t like the briefing thing. He likes when they give him charts and he can turn them upside down and be better than the world but just now he does not know what is going on with the world and he does not like that one little bit, he don’t…
Just then Agent Orange enters with another file for him.
“Mr. President, here is the file from the briefing.” Agent Orange stands to attention awaiting a response. Unusually he gets one.
“Why do you keep changing shape?” asks Mr. Trump.
“I am sorry sir?”
“You. You keep changing. Last week you had a southern accent and were black. Now you are white and is that a New York accent?”
Agent Orange had been briefed about this so had his response ready.
“Well done, Mr. President, well done. We cannot catch you out, can we? It is all part of our White House security to confuse the Chinese, sir. If they cannot track me in one shape, Mr. President, sir, we change so they cannot track us at all, Mr. President, sir.”
Mr. Trump smiles. Now that is better. He is smarter than the security chiefs. He knew that. Now he has the proof. He puts out his hand to take the file.
Agent Orange turns to leave but before he does, Mr. Trump asks a question.
“What’s in this?”
Agent Orange turns back. “It’s the papers from the briefing today, Mr. President, sir.”
Mr. Trump stands up from behind the desk and walks round to the front to confront Agent Orange and as he does so, Agent Orange realises that Mr. Trump is in his pyjamas. He had never seen Incredible Hulk jammies in that size before.
“What I want to know is,” begins Mr. Trump, “is when it’ll start getting cooler”
“I am sure the answer is in the file, Mr. President, sir.”
Mr. Trump leans on his desk and continues, “You see, I don’t think science knows.”
Agent Orange tries hard not to react. “It doesn’t sir?”
Mr. Trump warms up to his theme, “It’ll start getting cooler, you just watch.”
“Mr. President I don’t think you should ignore the science.”
Mr. Trump reacts with a sigh and responds, “Why not? Did they turn up to my inauguration? I mean it’s their right to ignore my inauguration, so I think it is also my right to ignore them.”
Agent Orange takes a minute to try and get his head round what Mr. Trump is saying. In the gap, Mr. Trump continues, “I think this is more of a management situation.”
Agent Orange interjects before he realizes that he is doing it, “But, Mr. President fires have burned almost 2 million acres of land in California, Oregon and Washington state”.
Mr. Trump is on a roll as he continues, “I mean, other countries have not dealt with the same level of forest fires, despite major things happening in Australia and the Amazon rainforest”
Agent Orange has been briefed for this level of intelligence from Mr. Trump but is now trying his hardest not to squeal in disbelief.
Mr. Trump keeps going, “”They don’t have problems like this. They have very explosive trees, but they don’t have problems like this.”
Agent Orange blurts out, “Explosive trees, Mr. President, sir?”
Mr. Trump realizes he has an imbecile in the room; unfortunately, he doesn’t properly identify who that is as he states, “You need to realize how dangerous these people are. They will stop at nothing, you know. Yes, explosive trees. I saw it somewhere.” He points to the file. “It will be in here.”
Agent Orange again blurts out, “But climate change, Mr. President…”
Mr. Trump sighs. He thought he had dealt with all this nonsense before. “Look. When you get into climate change, well is India going to change its ways? And is China going to change its ways? And Russia? Is Russia going to change its ways? You know what climate change is? It’s a myth. Non-existent! An expensive hoax.”
“isn’t it a serious subject?” asks Agent Orange meekly.
Mr. Trump looks at him up and down before responding, “Yes, it is. Very serious.” He taps the file and dismisses Agent Orange with a withering look.
Making a mental note to start demanding more intelligent officers on his staff Mr. Trump sits down to read what is in the file as Agent Orange also makes a mental note, to never go back in the Not So White House with a fire arm: some things are just too tempting.
Whilst the author asserts his right to this as an almost original tale, any similarities to persons real or imagined are deliberate. However as there is little or no evidence that Mr Trump has ever worn Incredible Hulk jammies, as far as he is aware, this is clearly fictional and never actually happened, though much of the dialogue has been said.
Over the last week it has been reported that, Donald J. Trump has dismissed the fires raging across parts of America as a management problem rather than realising that it is indicative evidence of Global Warming, which is what people with real intelligence are doing. The solution to this is, of course, the 3rd November 2020.
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