Doctor Curmudgeon® Ah Ha! Gotcha!

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By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAP Doctor Eisman, is in Family Practice in Aventura, Florida with her partner, Dr. Eugene Eisman, an internist/cardiologist

Doctor Curmudgeon is a “good” sleeper. In fact Hero Doctor (her husband and colleague) once commented that he thought that while her head was in the air and about to connect with her pillow, she was already asleep.

In the past she had been attuned to certain sounds which had the ability to awaken her. From the next room, she could hear the sound of her baby’s blanket falling from the crib. When in training and asleep in an on-call room she would awaken only at the sound of her own name being shrieked from the speakers in the hospital.

And so: if a sound disturbed her rest, it had to be of great significance.

It was only a soft rustle. Nothing more.

Sitting up in bed, she listened. Nothing again. Could it have been her too-vivid imagination? All was quiet.

There it was again. A subtle susurration.

Her antennae were vibrating. She must don her shoes and begin her trip downstairs.

As silently as a curmudgeonly one could move, she gently stepped on each stair. Cell phone was in hand and 911 already selected but not pressed.

Descending from the third floor of her little townhouse, she approached the second floor. Nothing going on in the kitchen. No monsters. No bugs. The dishwasher was silent, having completed its after-dinner chore. And in the living room, the television was silent. Alexa was turned off. The fan was not running.

Time to investigate the first floor.

And, indeed, where was Miss Marple when she was needed, with her wisdom and perspicuity! Indeed!

Stopping at the bottom of the first floor stairs, she heard it again! Flicking off her flashlight, sufficient light streamed in from the glass doors.

That sound! Again! And she was now so much closer to it.

This sound was unfamiliar to her. More like a sigh, or a whisper.

Aha! There it was…a soft rustling.

It was coming from her desk! How could that be? Just a bunch of papers scattered all over.

And then she saw it!

No! It wasn’t possible!

It was as she had suspected since her days in college.

In the mornings, when she had come to her desk; it had always seemed as if there were more papers than when she had taken leave of it in the evening.

Doctor Curmudgeon had confided in a few close friends that she thought the papers multiplied at night.

And now she knew it was true!

She could see it with her own yes.

A paper was softly sidling over to another one and after being joined for a few seconds…there it was! Another slip of paper was emerging!!!

All these years…and she was not delusional…the papers were really multiplying!

How Diabolical!

Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.

SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”

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