Doctor Curmudgeon® Oh No! Not Again!
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By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAP Doctor Eisman, is in Family Practice in Aventura, Florida with her partner, Dr. Eugene Eisman, an internist/cardiologist
Sir Galahad, Protector of the Welsh Faerie People (to present his full title, as his knighthood was legitimate, bestowed upon him by the Welsh Faerie People), is a Siberian Husky of great renown: for all his good deeds, speaking engagements, lecturing, books and articles on a vast array of subjects.
Galahad, or Gally as he is affectionately and respectfully known, is the Major Domo of the Curmudgeon household, and a beloved furry family member.
However, keeping an eye on the small physician, Doctor Curmudgeon, can be a rather daunting task.
The Husky was on the second floor of their townhouse relaxing and reading when he heard high pitched shrieks coming from the first floor.
The irritable one (more so in recent times) was yowling into the phone.
“Customer service! Representative! Person!”
After this had gone one for a few minutes, Gally realized he was needed. Padding softly down the stairs, he approached the desk where Doctor Curmudgeon continued to verbally abuse her IPhone.
Placing a forepaw on her shoulder for comfort, he said “You know…screaming does not help. Patience is necessary.”
Holding onto his paw for support, she said, “Oh, Gally, you understand how frustrating it is. I spend hours and hours and hours on this phone for just one thing. And hours…and hours….”
Galahad sat beside her as she continued her siege, shrieking into the phone. “Human being! Human being! Non-robot”
Finally, a voice responded to her anguished screeches, “I am here. What is your problem? Press 1 if you are happy…happy…happy…”
“You are a robot!. I want a human being. I want something that is not electronic, not programmed.”
“I am here. How can I help?”
“You are not human. You have no cardiovascular system. You have no gastrointestinal system. Where are your neurons?”
Hearing this, Sir Galahad realized that this was indeed a dire situation. He began to reach into his back pack.
To the physician’s surprise the metallic voice acknowledged her anguished wails, “How would I know if I am not human? You do not know what I go through; my programming does not have answers. I do not know what you mean. I will end this call.”
Before the angry one could throw her phone against the wall, Gally had a solution.
Musing to himself how other canines had carried rescue whisky in flasks for their non-furry families and friends, he had the Curmudgeon family solution.
From his rescue pack, he produced an extra-large piece of dark chocolate.
And all was well again
Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.
SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”
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