Doctor Curmudgeon® So? What Am I?
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By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAP Doctor Eisman, is in Family Practice in Aventura, Florida with her partner, Dr. Eugene Eisman, an internist/cardiologist.
It was indeed a dark night. Blissful silence reigned over all.
The only sounds were two voices whispering as they curled up in a burrow hidden deeply underground.
They were quite large and so it was no easy thing to remain secluded, away from other eyes.
The largest one rasped to his mate, “I just can’t believe it…the way our taxonomic name is bandied about!”
“Indeed, my darling. It is so hard for us dinosaurs to get the respect we deserve,” responded the smaller female reptile. “Just because we first got dumped on this planet about two hundred and forty five million years ago…doesn’t mean that we are to be slandered!”
“Ssshh,” said her spouse, as rumbling shook the floor of their cavern. “We don’t want to wake up the little ones.”
“I know, dear,” she sighed, “I can hear them moving around in their sleep. They are so adorable… just look at those little tails swishing!”
Her mate continued, “I get so annoyed whenever I am creeping around outside, attending to our plants and I hear people refer to that Doctor Curmudgeon as a dinosaur…well… I just want to sit on her until she squeals that she is only a Luddite, not a dinosaur!
“The only thing we have in common with that small, screeching, non-scaly, tailless, little annoying thing is that we both like to chomp on plants!”
His partner harrumphed in agreement.
The larger dinosaur continued in a tirade, “It is abhorrent to me that if someone isn’t thrilled with those disgusting computer machines, doesn’t want to live in a so called ‘smart home,’ looks down on us for leading a peaceful existence…they are called a dinosaur!
“We are the real dinosaurs…not that puny thing who has no scales and no tail!”
Trying to soothe her mate, she continued, “Now, dear, let her be called whatever those idiots want to call her. Let the whole world believe that we are extinct.”
Gazing fondly at his partner, he chortled, “and those little things believe that our whole group became extinct about sixty six million years ago! There was a recent op-ed piece in the Dinosaur Daily Tablet that I really loved. You were plant pulling the other day and so you missed it. But it talked about how safe we are. Those humans believe that it was unlikely that even our DNA would be around.”
Smiling as only a Dinosaur mother can smile as she glanced over at her sleeping babies, she said, “They just keeping thinking they have found dinosaur bones and speculating all kinds of things about us.”
As he curled up to go to sleep, he murmured to his spouse “Little do they know. Good night, Gracie.”
Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.
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