Final Goodbye

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By Stacy Koruba

The most horrific thing about being a pet owner is the day you lose that pet. You are never prepared for it, regardless of how hard you try or how many other pets you have had before. The loss can happen due to the pet running away, a divorce, an accident, a sudden death, a terminal illness or old age. Nevertheless, the pain still pierces through your soul and the loss will take a piece of your heart with it. Memories of your wonderful friend will remain forever and as time goes on you will find yourself smiling when you think of them more often then you cry, but the sting in your heart will always be there.

I have lost 9 pets in my life. The most recent being Sid. He passed away on Nov 2nd, 2020. He was a beautiful flame point long haired Siamese 19-year-old cat. Our lives together began 17 years ago. We were at our local PetSmart, searching for our cat Eric, he had escaped our home and we were hoping that maybe someone had turned him in or posted a listing at the store. We popped our heads into the area where all the kitties were held for adoption and Sid was extremely interested in my husband. Sid started rubbing his head all over Mark and purring loudly, we thought he was adorable and knew he would be adopted quickly. Mark left the room to go get some items we need from the store. As soon as he left Sid started screaming. It was a sound I had never heard a cat make. A real scream, it sounded like a baby or toddler scream. Mark heard him from the back of the store and as soon as he returned to the room Sid stopped. Once Mark left the room again Sid would begin screaming. Well, how could we leave him at the store like that? We were not prepared to go home with a cat, so the store gave us a cardboard carrier to bring him home in. Within minutes after paying for him Sid had shredded his way out of the box! We figured he was named Sid after Sid Vicious and on the way home wondered what we had gotten ourselves into! Eric was located the following day. We now had 3 dogs and 3 cats.

Sid was never vicious again. He was the gentlest cat; he groomed all the other cats in our house. Our Newfoundland, Payton feel in love with him and treated him like he was a baby, sleeping with him protected in his belly space. They would spend hours together cuddling and grooming one another. Payton passed away in 2013 and we got a Saint Bernard named Joe. For some reason, this huge 150-pound gentle giant feel in love with Sid and vice versa and Sid quickly found a new “Dad”. We would tell Joe “go kiss your baby” and he would go lick Sid. These two resumed the same relationship Payton and Sid once had and continued it for 7 years.

Sid loved everyone in the house, all 6 dogs, the other 7 cats even though some were not so nice to him and every human in his life.

Our daughter Jaden grew up with him. He has been in her life as early as she can remember. He slept in her bed every night and spent many hours a day in her bedroom with her. I am certain he knows many secrets about her that she has never shared with another human being. He has brought her much laughter and has been a shoulder to lean on when she was suffering or just needed love, someone to hug or someone to cry with.

Sid spent thousands of hours on Marks lap over the last 17 years cuddling and sleeping and watching sports with Mark. I know for sure that he knew more about football than I ever will. He loved taking naps with the two of us and thought he was a professional hair stylist because there were many times, he cut inches off my hair with his teeth while I was sleeping! He provided me great comfort during dark times. He was there for me when I lost 5 other pets, snuggled close to my chest, his head absorbing my tears. He slept with me for months after my sister passed away, right next to my head on the pillow, purring in my ear, not chewing on my hair. His purrs reassuring me that life still had to go on and that there was beauty still left in the world even when I felt like my world had ended when my sister had died.

Last year we noticed him moving slower, not being able to jump as high as he once could so we put chairs next to places he liked to sit so it would be easier for him to reach. We knew he was aging. We noticed as he began losing weight and muscle mass. He was still calm and peaceful, he still played and groomed himself. He still ate normally. He was 18 and slowing down. We were grateful that we had been blessed to have him for so long. About a month ago he started making grinding noises with his mouth while chewing, I investigated and noticed he had lost one of his canine teeth, so the other teeth were rubbing against that area. We started feeding him more moist food and adding water to it. A few weeks later he seemed thinner, but his stomach seemed larger, he was bloated. His organs were failing. The vet said he had congestive heart failure.

We spent the last 2 weeks preparing ourselves and making his life as comfortable as possible. There were several times we were sure it was his last day. Moments we thought he was taking his last breath, and then he would seem normal again. We would carry him to his food plate, carry him to the water bowl, carry him to the litter box. By this point he was blind but still walking, grooming himself and purring. I spent hours at night with him sleeping on my chest, talking to him, telling him how much I loved him, thanking him for all the years of happy memories and for making my life better. Jaden spent hours a day with him doing the same. Mark did all of this as well. On Oct 31st he refused to eat anything or drink anything all day. We decided if he did not eat on the 1st, we would have to put him to sleep. On the 1st he was not walking, or even waking up much. He was still purring, licking us if we were near him but basically gone. I called a vet to come to the house to euthanize him, but they were not available until the following day. We all took turns with him for the remainder of the time, laying next to him or with him on our chests, saying our goodbyes, comforting him or ourselves I suppose.

On Nov 2nd at 6:30PM we placed his favorite blanket outside in our yard and laid him on it. He always cried to go outside but we never let him because we did not want him to get lost. Mark, Jaden and I sat around him petting him and crying. He is breathing shallow and he was struggling. We were telling him he could go. I was getting angry that it was taking the vet so long to get to us. We played soft music for Sid. He had been out of it for most of the day. He lifted his head completely up and looked around at all of us. I believe it was his way of saying a final goodbye. The vet arrived. Mark held him as the vet administered the meds. Jaden and I hugged and cried. Sid passed away in his Dad’s arms. It was right where he belonged. They wrapped him up in a new clean gray fluffy blanket and put his tiny body in a wicker basket. He looked like a sleeping kitten. I could breathe again knowing he was not suffering any more. Joe came out after and said his goodbyes. It was incredibly sad because I could not explain what was going on to him.

I was asked why we did it this way. How could we do it this way. Why not just bring him to a vet and turn him over? Sid was there for the 3 of us every moment we needed him. He never turned his back on us. As pet owners and his family, it is our responsibility and duty to be there with him, to comfort him, to comfort one another, until his last breath. The process of having it done at home was less stressful for us and for Sid. In my home I was able to mourn the way I needed too; in a public setting I may not feel as comfortable.

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