The Toddler – In – Chief in the QVC House AKA The Multiple Loser Donald J. Trump of the 2020 Presidential Election Continues His Insanity!
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By Donald “Braveheart” Stewart
In at least one part of the Not So White House, there is a smug orange feeling…
Picture the scene…
Mr. Trump is sitting behind a desk with that smug look on his face. He feels he has every right to be smug because HE has done it once again – defied the odds.
“I am going to call it Operation Warp Speed, like in Star Wars,” he proclaims.
“Star Trek,” corrects Orange Aid.
Mr. Trump takes no notice.
“It’s going to be warped speed ahead for everything from now on. Could we organise one of those, what did he call them, worm feeds?”
Orange Aid sighs. He has been going on about this for hours. “Worm Holes sir?”
“That’s it!”
Orange Aid looks at her Not So White House Guide to working with POTUS 2020. In there are an amalgam of all the stupid questions that have been asked to all the Orange Aids and what the best set of answers are. Orange Aid looks down and picks the right one.
“I am afraid that Walmart have run out of those this week.”
Mr. Trump looks round from where he was looking out through the big window and asks, “What about parallel universes?”
Orange Aid consults her guide, “I shall ask Homeland Security.”
Mr. Trump looks sceptical.
He then says, “I am going on Fox later to tell them that in many respects we’re still doing incredibly, with our stock markets and everything else, which are hitting all new highs.”
Orange Aid looks up.
“But Mr President, the death …” they begin.
Mr. Trump interrupts, “Have you seen the speed of vaccine development? And I shall update them on the recent election fraud. This is the biggest scandal ever and I shall show the world nobody can mess with our democracy.”
Orange Aid knows there is little point in arguing so doesn’t. Unfortunately, Mr. Trump takes this as approval as he always does and thinks everyone who doesn’t say anything is in agreement with him.
Orange Aid tries though, “Mr. President, last week, Covid-19 was the number one cause of death in America. For Black, Latino and Native Americans – who are nearly three times as likely to die from it – Covid-19 is a mass casualty. For families and friends left behind, it’s a gaping hole in your heart that will never be fully healed.”
Mr. Trump responds, “Make sure that Vice-President Mike Pence is there. He is doing an absolutely incredible job at the head of the coronavirus taskforce. I shall ask him to stand up, a great job and we shall applaud him!”
Orange Aid nods and says nothing as Mr. Trump continues, “Well discuss a monumental national achievement. You know that before Operation Warp Speed the typical time frame for development and approval, as you know, could be infinity.”
Orange Aid mutters, thinking that Mr. Trump won’t hear them, “Or beyond.”
Mr. Trump does hear, “That’s good, I shall use that – thank you! This will vanquish the problem, this horrible scourge, as I call it, the China virus, because that’s where it came from.”
Orange Aid was starting to feel uncomfortable and responded with, “A vaccine may soon be available, but we need to level with one other. It will take longer than we would like to distribute it to all corners of the country …
Mr. Trump, this time does respond, “Not a problem – we shall have it sorted.”
Orange Aid keeps trying, “We’ll need to persuade enough Americans to take the vaccine. Many have become cynical about its usefulness. It’s daunting. We didn’t get into this mess quickly and it’s going to take time to fix.”
Mr. Trump , “I realise that.” Mr. Trump says. “I shall sign an executive order designed to give US citizens priority access to vaccines before they are shipped abroad.”
Orange Aid decides to try the tricky question. “Mr. President, should we invite President elect Biden and the next administration?”
Mr. Trump scowls and declares, “The next administration will be the Trump administration because you can’t steal hundreds of thousands of votes. You can’t have fraud and deception and all of the things that they did and then slightly win a swing state. And you just have to look at the numbers, look at what’s been on tape, look at all the corruption and we’ll see you can’t win an election like that. So, the next administration will be the Trump administration, a continuation.”
Orange Aid turns to their guide and realises that the chapter on denying the truth, denying losing the election and denying the existence of sense are full of possible answers all of which have one scribble over them – the legendary “nothing works” – in a variety of handwritings showing that you cannot argue with stupid.
Once they realize that all of the Orange Aids leave stupid alone and depart the Not So White House, so this one did too.
Whilst the author asserts his right to this as an almost original tale, any similarities to persons real or imagined are deliberate. However as there is little or no evidence that Mr. Donald J Trump does not know the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek, as far as he is aware, this is clearly fictional and never actually happened, though some of the words of Mr. Donald J Trump and Mr. Joe Biden have been used…
During the week, President-elect Joe Biden and President Trump appeared simultaneously on the news to talk about the COVID-19 pandemic. The contrast in words and tone can be seen here with Orange Aid using the words of Biden and Trump using his own words – which are not terrific and not the best words he could use…
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