A Letter from The Deep State’s Admissions Board – SHOCKING Breaking NEWS!

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By Nikki Slusher

In response to the events that have occurred since the November election, the Deep State, LLC., has remained operating silently like the g in lasagna. As the HBIC for the organization’s Board of Admissions, I have felt compelled to speak on behalf of my fellow cabal-leagues. While the Deep State prides itself on being a secretive society, the actions we have seen over the last two months have prompted us to feel it is imperative to inform the public on our organization and members to ensure the country understands who we are not.

We do not regret informing the following individuals of our decision to reject their application to our elite organization: Rex Tillerson, Bill Barr, John Bolton, Hope Hicks, Stephen Miller, Steve Bannon, Jared Kushner, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Jacob the bull-horned “QAnon Shaman” Angeli, Elaine Chao, Mitch McConnell, Ted Cruz, Josh Hawley, Lauren Boebert, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Louis Gohmert, Paul Gosar, Mo Brooks, Andy Biggs, Matt Gaetz, Jim Jordan, Mike Pence, Kellyanne Conway, Sidney “Kraken” Powell, Paul Manafort, Roger Stone, Roy Cohn’s ghost, L. Lin Wood, Kayleigh McEnany, the My Pillow Guy and anyone with the last name Trump. James Comey is currently under review and will be determined based on whether he stops giving unwarranted advice on unity. Seriously, stop Jim.

A number of things were considered that led to this conclusion, including multiple voice and video recordings of pure stupidity released to the press, inability to find 11,780 votes on their own without getting caught, non-stop whining about “her emails!” for four years, lack of social media presence, a combined group IQ of 37, and insulting Richard Nixon’s character. Also, one of the references you all provided, the Deutsche Bank, said they didn’t know who you were. It is recommended that those listed above re-evaluate some things before trying to apply again.

On a more positive note, we are excited to announce that Alex Azar and Rudy Giuliani have been accepted! Please expect an email within the next few days with details on choosing your Deep State nickname and other great membership benefits. We also look forward to your future book deals and know you will make excellent additions as Hillary’s landscaping boys.

Finally, we also want to publicly thank Dominion Voting Systems for their generous contribution of $1.3 billion to our “We Didn’t Need to Steal the Election” fund. Again, we greatly appreciate the opportunity to address any questions, comments, and/or rumors you may have heard about us. The Deep State, LLC., looks forward to working with the 60 percent of the country that have worn a mask since the pandemic started and didn’t attempt to overthrow the government over the last four years.

Best regards,

Executive Director for the Board of Admissions at The Deep State, LLC. (This column for anyone confused was a parody!)

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