Fright Night, Conan the Barbarian & THE MOVIE REMAKES – PASS ME THE BARF BAG

By Jim Minkle

I met this chick last week and she wanted the Minkle Dinkle you know, but first you gotta wine and dine them, which I did, but she wanted a movie too. I don’t like going to movies. You get too many rejects with cell phones and laser pointers. Where are those f**king ushers that we used to see walk up and down that f**king aisle to keep order in those places? They can’t find people with enough balls to approach people anymore. An usher or two gets killed for telling a thug to shut up is small potatoes. You know most ushers grow up to be … 50 year old ushers. Society can make it without them.

So I take my lady to see FRIGHT NIGHT, another unnecessary remake. We get the tickets and then I see CONAN THE BARBARIAN is playing and it’s another remake. Remake, remake, and another f**king remake. What’s going on with Hollywood? Where’s the originality?

FRIGHT NIGHT was OK but you can’t compare it to the original. It was smoother than the stripper’s chest at the club I went to last night, but it had no edge and it was just a stolen idea sculpted and molded into something that will sell to the teenagers today. They like that TWILIGHT shit and that’s what this movie was trying to be. My lady friend seemed to like it and the night she gave me was worth the 25 dollars I paid for tickets and concessions.

There’s a remake at every turn and I’m ready to stop watching movies all together to stay home and watch porn instead. Even porn is getting into the remakes now, but at least you can now watch Debbie Does Dallas without the big bush.

I’m Jim Minkle and that’s My Stink!