According To Google, Searches Related To Violence Against Women Up 75%

By Ty Ross

As a survivor of domestic abuse, this information is both shocking and terrifying. The pandemic has made us all a bit cuckoo, but for those with violent tendencies, it seems to have manifested into action.

My first marriage was one filled with verbal, mental and emotional abuse. My husband would frequently berate me. Back handed compliments, insults and control were his weapons of choice. I wasn’t allowed to have a car of my own, or to drive his. To leave the house when he was at work, and GOD help me if I happened to be in the shower, or cooking when he called and didn’t answer the phone. When he called, it was to make sure that I was right where he left me, and where I should be. Home. Alone.

Hanging out with friends was not an option, and I had nothing in my name or financial resources of my own. There was no such thing as not being in the mood or being too tired for sex. Because if I said no, it would result in hours of arguing and accusations. Usually ending with calling me a useless whore. And never failing to remind me that as a police officer, there was nowhere I could go that he couldn’t, or wouldn’t find me. So don’t even think about it. The third person in our relationship was the 9mm that was never out of sight. Or reach.

He even went so far as to leave me at a store after an argument about who can remember. It was hot, and without cell phones or Uber, I was forced to find my way home. It took about three hours, but I finally made it. When I walked in he was sitting nonchalantly on the couch watching tv. He looked at his watch and casually said ‘only three hours, you must have called your boyfriend to pick you up.’

It wasn’t long after that, during an argument, he grabbed his pistol and said he could kill me, and nobody would give a shit. And I had zero doubt he meant it. Not just because he was white and I was black, but because he was a law enforcement officer and in the eyes of society that meant he mattered, and I didn’t. So, when he went to work, I went out the door. Taking only what I could carry, I fled to a friend’s house on the other side of town. I avoided anywhere I may run into him or be seen, and soon left the city altogether.

When I read the Journal of Psychology’s report on Google search results related to violence against women, and how the pandemic has seen an increase in domestic abuse, I was not completely surprised. Domestic violence in this country is an epidemic that has long been a problem. It also brought back a lot of memories. It was a relief when my husband went to work. A few hours of peace and autonomy. I can only imagine the fear that grips women in households of abuse, not having any relief. Being the only ones around for their husbands to take their anger and frustrations out on 24/7.

The phrases ‘how to control your woman’ and ‘how to hit a woman so no one knows’, were both searched over 165M times. Article after article populated the search with everything from How to Psychologically Abuse Your Partner to step-by-step guides on controlling what your partner wears, eats and spends their money on. Hawaii, New York and Connecticut have all drafted legislation that recognizes these as criminal forms of domestic abuse. Not nearly enough, but definitely a step in the right direction.

There were over 178M searches for the term ‘I am going to kill her when she gets home.’ An increase of 39% over 2019. There was also an increase in what appears to be women seeking help with ‘Help me, he won’t leave’ being searched 1.2B times. Yes, BILLION. ‘He beats me up all the time’ was searched for 320M times.

The culture of toxic masculinity in this country, has not only increased, but seems to have become acceptable to a portion of society. Weaponizing and politicizing the need to better teach the men in this country how to behave towards and treat women in our society. Oklahoma passed legislation that prevents its colleges and universities from mandating classes for young men entering college on proper and healthy male behavior on campuses. What they learn here, they will take out into the world and the workplace. But it seems to be a non-issue for those intent on turning everything into a culture war, regardless of who it hurts.

There needs to be an investment in resources that helps women in situations like these. It’s time we learn to recognize the signs and be more aware of behaviors that are indicative of abuse. It is a popular misconception that you have to be physically harmed to be abused, and that’s simply not true. All scars aren’t visible. I’m proof of that.

Check out Ty’s book THE POWER OF PERSPECTIVE. It’s a collection of affirmations she wrote to get her through a difficult time in her life. Words of wisdom that apply to anyone, and everyone, to get through the hard times. If you’re questioning yourself, and need a reminder that you are in control… Click HERE to order your copy.

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