Crabs In A Barrel: The Long Term Effects Of Self-Hate On Success, Equality, Growth And Self-Esteem Within The Black Community

By Ty Ross

When I was a child, my family lived in a predominantly black community, and it was also my first experiences with racism. I know you may be wondering how one can experience racism within their own community, from their own race. But it can and does happen. More often than many of us want to admit.

I lived in a low-income neighborhood but lacked for nothing. My family’s stress on education and enrolling me in things like ballet, swim lessons and tap classes separated me from the other kids in the community who spent their days hanging out and playing in the neighborhood. Many of them and their parents having what I call a ‘slave mentality’. Going along to get along and being content to just be getting by. I had plenty of support in the home, but once I stepped outside it was a different story. My attempts to make friends or make bonds with those whom I shared a playground and school bus with was met with ostracizing, bullying and physical altercations. Yes, I lived there too, but I wasn’t seen as one of them. They would make fun of the way I talked, and said I wanted to be white. I never understood what they meant. Every time I looked down at my skin, I was reminded that yes, I was indeed black. So what did that mean?

As I got older this type of behavior continued in the workplace, at school. I constantly had to prove myself that I belonged. That their struggles were my struggles. But because I was on the debate team, Student Council, instead of being encouraged and supported I was made fun of. As if that’s not what black people do. And by not doing track, or other extra-curricular activities deemed acceptable, I was somehow trying to be something that I wasn’t.

I had a black female manager once. One I thought would be a mentor at my sales job. I was ambitious and her boss frequently praised my sales ability. I noticed a change. She started giving me crappy assignments and giving more favorable opportunities to my white co-workers. She did everything she could to discourage and hinder my ability to continue to do my job affectively. I eventually quit. Crabs in a barrel. Pulling that crab back in who tries to get out. There could be only one in her mind. She saw me, not as a teammate, but competition. And ran a good person out of a business where we both could have made waves and had success.

This is something all too familiar in the black community. Across all industries. From the corporate world to entertainment.

The ripple effects of the oppressive and systemic racism this country was not only founded but prides itself on. Stemming from slave days. When plantation owners would separate light-skinned slaves from darker skinned ones, usually giving those of a lighter hue, jobs on the inside of the house and keeping the others outside in the fields. This began the age of colorism and created an environment of mistrust amongst the slaves. Dividing them. The favoritism showed to those who were mixed with white blood, created resentment among those doing the hard labor and on the frequent end of the physical cruelty of their overseers, who felt the house slaves thought they were better.

That type of thinking and feeling still exists today. From dating to jobs to the arts, those with a lighter complexion have traditionally been lauded as the black standard. More deserving of success.

Years ago, when Gabrielle Sidibe was praised for her role in the Oprah Winfrey produced movie Precious, the black community should have rallied around her. She gave an amazing performance that put her on the map. But instead, she became the butt of jokes and was on the cruel end of racist, misogynistic statements and fat shaming. From her own people. She wasn’t light enough, skinny enough to be deserving of the success she was garnering because colorism has been that dirty little secret we want to pretend doesn’t exist. Those jealous of her come up simply because of how she looked. Not meeting the aesthetic set by those who kept us in chains and were invested in our division.

I admit, I used to be a fan of Reality TV. Shows like Love & Hip-Hop, and Basketball Wives were a guilty pleasure. But it wasn’t long before the constant backstabbing, disloyalty and overall hate among those on the casts began to bother me. I would ask myself why couldn’t these women get along with each other? Why were they always trashing each other and none of their friendships seemed to last? The final straw came when I saw an episode of Married to Medicine. A show about Black female physicians and doctor’s wives. I thought finally, a show highlighting educated and successful black women to counter the negativity of the others. One that would shatter stereotypes and dispel the ‘angry black woman’ trope. But sadly, I was wrong. It would do just the opposite. The women on the show engaged in the exact same type of behaviors with each other that the others did. It was incredibly disappointing to see that the problem of black-on-black hate runs so deep that it affects even those who should be above it.

There are stories after stories of wealthy black entertainers and athletes being on the receiving end of theft, home invasions and sometimes even murder at the hands of other blacks. For no other reason than jealousy. Crabs in a barrel. Those who feel they don’t deserve their wealth and taking it from them is their duty. The worst part is the lack of sympathy among the black community. Instead, they often side with the perpetrators and say the victim ‘got what they deserved’ for flaunting their success.

Rapper Nipsey Hussle had turned his life around from former gang member to successful rapper. But he didn’t stop there. No, instead he wanted to use his celebrity and platform to give back and encourage those in his community. Pouring money, some his own and some from investors, into STEM programs, shared workspaces, giving black entrepreneurs access to capital to open and sustain their own businesses. He wanted black dollars to be spent and circulate in the community. Unfortunately, he was murdered a few years ago. Not randomly. But targeted. Gunned down in front of his famed store The Marathon by someone from his community jealous of the success he was trying to cultivate. Not for himself, but for those around him. Crabs in a barrel.

With social media being the preferred platform for those to promote their endeavors, it has also been the preferred platform to bully and harass them espouse hate. A perfect example is the incident between popular rapper Meg Thee Stallion and singer Torey Lanez. It was reported that after a night of partying, Meg and Lanez got into a heated altercation. What happened next would be a source of controversy and shine a spotlight on the chasm in the black community. Initially remaining quiet, Meg decided to come forward with her story after being the subject of rumors, verbal and social media attacks.

Meg posted pictures of her injuries. She was shot in the foot by Lanez during the altercation. Sharing details of her assault and pleading with the public to support black women. Domestic violence is nothing to take lightly, whether one is famous or not, and what should have led to an outpouring of support from the black community, instead had the opposite effect. High profile artists like rappers Cam’ron and 50 Cent took to their social media pages to accuse Meg of lying. They openly joked at her pain. Others, both famous and not said that she should have seen it coming. That she knew what she was getting into. Since the start of her career, Meg Thee Stallion has frequently been on the receiving end of hate from others in the community. Taking shot after shot at her regardless of what she achieved or was trying to do. She recently enrolled in college in her native Texas, and even that subjected her to backlash, and negativity from the community in which she is a member. A black woman who is famous, decides to better herself intellectually and hopefully inspire others to go back to school got criticized instead of supported.

Therapist Melody McCloud wrote an article 10 years ago for Psychology Today on this phenomenon in the black community. Hate towards the success and accomplishments of blacks from those within the community and how it stems from a long history of us being pitted against each other during slavery and beyond.

The time has come to stop the division created for us by others but continued by ourselves. It is counterproductive and destructive. I don’t care if you are Kamala Harris, Simone Biles, Gabrielle Sidibe or a regular person living day to day. We need to support, encourage and lift each other up in both words and actions. Come to one another’s defense when those on the outside try and divide us. You come for one of us, you come for all of us. Cheer for each other and use the success of others in our community to inspire and motivate us to get it for ourselves. In the end, we are the only ones who can change our way of thinking, behaving and interacting. Instead of pulling each other back into the barrel, let’s keep rocking it until it falls over and we can all get out.

Check out Ty’s book THE POWER OF PERSPECTIVE. It’s a collection of affirmations she wrote to get her through a difficult time in her life. Words of wisdom that apply to anyone, and everyone, to get through the hard times. If you’re questioning yourself, and need a reminder that you are in control… Click HERE to order your copy.

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