The Battle Continues to Rage
By Jim Koury
By this point in time, and in my life, I expected much different treatment of queer Americans. I also anticipated our society would have moved forward from the days when homosexuality was taboo, let alone being transgender. Boy, was I wrong! Sadly wrong! While many advancements are in place and achieved, we do seem to be going backward now because of the grip the right-wing Christian Fundamentalists have on our society. I am disgusted and appalled that we have allowed these despicable people to wreak so much havoc on our lives. They have set back decades of progressive advancements because of their short-sighted, bigoted, and skewed worldview based on literal interpretation of a book of tales grounded in fantasy and fiction.
As I mentioned in prior articles, I grew up in a time when society did not condone homosexuality. It was disparaged and mocked as abnormal. Those who were homosexual were deemed sexual deviants to avoid at all costs. God forbid a child be gay. It brought shame and ridicule upon the parents and family in the eyes of their neighbors and friends, or so the perception was any way that it would. It somehow was a reflection of deficient parenting skills. “Where did I go wrong with my child?” many parents lamented.
In my last article, I stated how I had inklings of my queerness in elementary school but did not know what it meant to be gay. I knew something was “off” with me, and I had no explanation for my feelings. I buried whatever it was that I knew was not right and ignored it the best I could for fear of being labeled as a sexual deviant or, at best, “abnormal.” Now, I embrace it, but that was not always the case.
I remember instances where family members would make fun of gay people or make comments about others that they thought were gay. The comments were not flattering. These statements began to impact me negatively at a certain point in my life as I realized I was one of the people they were making fun of. However, to hide my feelings and budding truth, I would chime in along with them, only exacerbating the anguish I began to feel. It created such self-loathing and disgust with myself that I considered suicide at one point in my early 20s. That did not happen! Unfortunately, as we all know, the untimely death of many queer youth at their own hands has been the final result as a way of escaping their torment and guilt.
I distinctly remember two instances that have stuck in my memory after coming out, and the word started to spread that I was gay in my family. I went to a family gathering once at my aunt’s house. Upon arrival, one of my aunts, whom I had little respect for any way in the first place, was heard saying, “Well, it is just not natural.” As she saw me enter, she proclaimed, “Hey, Jimmy. We were just talking about you.” Ok, so it did not take much to put two and two together to figure out what the “not natural” comment was about in light of the admission that they were talking about me. I could only surmise that it was what it was related to, but I verified it a while after that infamous gathering. After that, I had no desire to have much to do with that particular aunt. It was little consolation to me that she was one by marriage only.
Another instance stuck in my head increased my respect for my mother even more than before she imparted this story to me. My beloved mom got to the point where she could freely talk to me about being gay, which was immensely helpful and reassuring to me. We were talking one day, as we always did regularly, about how, after I came out, a distant family member mentioned to her that it was too bad I was gay. To her credit, she told this person that it did not matter to her – that I was still her son and she loved me. That ended the conversation with the distant family member, as per my mother. My mom rocked even more than she did before she told me that. I miss her so much.
Up until these two instances, I was immune to the direct discrimination that, unfortunately, so many of my queer brothers and sisters have not avoided. That was about to change after I started my publication, Diversity Rules Magazine. One day, while perusing my email, I saw a header in my message list, “Your Worst Nightmare.” I opened it, and to my shock, it was an email sent anonymously threatening my physical well-being for starting my publication. I provide the text of the message in full below:
“Dear Mr. Koury, it has come to our attention that not only have you been spreading your heterophobic filth throughout the region but also include your faggoty shit where young children have access to it. They don’t know what even normal sex is in their impressionable minds. You will stop distributing in these areas and keep the shit in gay bars, etc. We have your name, associates, phone numbers, where you live and where you work, as well as your routines. You are giving an even worse impression of homos when you freely distribute among kids. It’s called recruiting, and you WILL stop if you know what’s good for you. You see Mr. Koury we are EVERYWHERE. We have infiltrated your queer organization AND distributorship. You boast of 10,000 issues a month. It’s really only 1/2 of that as OUR people destroy the rest. We are invisible and we are LEGION. We are 14-72 YEARS OF AGE. We are in your schools, law enforcement, churches and government (national and local) and we are EVERYWHERE. If you continue in your indiscriminate distribution of your filthy rag someone an “associate” perhaps will come up to you UNEXPECTEDLY to render you a personal TUNEUP!!!!! IF YOU ARE SMART YOU WILL TAKE HEED OF OUR MESSAGE. THE MAR/APR EDITION WILL BE THE LAST ONE THAT YOU DISTRIBUTE INDISCRIMINATELY MARK MY WORDS. ALSO IF YOU THINK “HATE CRIME” LEGISLATION WILL STOP OUR ACTIONS YOU’RE WRONG DEAD WRONG. In the present economy we can hire almost anyone to do WHATEVER needs to be done. Have a day. YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE.”
Nice, huh? This threat did not deter me. I continued forward in my quest to spread the message of equality and justice for all. The police tried to track the sender, but he was an intelligent homophobe and did not leave any virtual trail back to the email’s origination point.
Our country, sadly, is still immersed in this type of hate and prejudice, and is still gravely harming our impressionable young people just beginning to explore their sexuality and gender expression. Even more so. Since the thing elected in 2016 empowered these vile people to emerge from their caves and from underneath their rocks, it made them even more vocal since “it” was spewing the same type of garbage from his toilet mouth. He legitimized in their tiny brains not only bashing queer folk as ok but any minority or person they deemed to be “different” from the white person they were looking at in the mirror.
Even though we thought it was close to being settled, our work must continue. We achieved much in the last 50 years since the Stonewall Rebellion, but all that is in jeopardy, especially in many red states, which still maintain allegiance to the putrid orange clown leading the charge back to the 19th century. We must remain diligent, as all potentially could be lost if we allow those who support reactionary and institutional discrimination in all areas of our society. It is not what America is about. We must vote and vote en masse every election to ensure our Republic survives the onslaught of fascism and authoritarianism. It has no place here. I am certainly encouraged by the election results of the last few cycles that seem to indicate we are turning the page and rebuffing the fake Christians and their desire to institute a Christian-based, theocratic government in America that does not respect all people in our great nation. Do not let up. We have much to lose if we do!!!!
Jim is the author of two books, Unredacted and Soul Journey, and also publishes an online publication, Diversity Rules Magazine. He resides in Upstate New York in the city where he was born, with his dog Lina and cat Critter.