Trump VP Picks

By Sharon Synowsky

There’s much speculation about who Donald J. Trump will pick for his Vice-Presidential running mate. Some of the names being bandied about are Kari Lake, Kristi Noem, Elise Stefanik, MTG, Katie Britt, Tucker Carlson, Ron DeSantis, Tim Scott, and Vivek Ramaswamy . I am not a political pundit or insider. I have no pipeline to the Trump campaign. I just have strong opinions based on my observations and limited knowledge of how Trump thinks.

OK, here we go –

Kari Lake –

Pros – sufficiently loyal, attractive enough, litigious, election denier, crazy

Cons – loves the spotlight, would take longer than Trump to get ready, would require hazy filter/Vaseline on every camera lens, is a threat to Melania, is a woman

Kristi Noem –

Pros – sufficiently loyal, central-casting attractive, election denier, not very smart (see her quote re: Texas and the 13 original colonies), is open to putting Trump’s mug on Mt. Rushmore

Cons – is a threat to Melania, is a woman

Elise Stefanik –

Pros – can’t think of one damn thing…OH! NOT a threat to Melania

Cons – frumpy, unattractive, loyalty is self-serving, is a woman

MTG –

Pros – beyond sufficiently loyal, strong MAGA support, strong election denier, rubbed his mushroom in effigy, uber-crazy, is not a threat to Melania

Cons – unattractive, is a woman

Katie Britt –

Pros – sufficiently loyal, attractive, knows her place as a woman (in the kitchen)

Cons – her SOTU response (no applause for it when Trump said she did a great job at his Ohio MAGApalooza event), is a threat to Melania, is a woman

Tucker Carlson –

Pros – name recognition, Melania approves, fellow Russian asset

Cons – loves the spotlight, as popular as Trump, not-so-secretly-anymore hates Trump, clash of egos, only tans his testicles

Ron DeSantis –

Pros – the prospect of Trump further humiliating DeSantis, hates Fauci

Cons – ran against Trump (very briefly), has low-key defied Trump, loves the spotlight, clash of egos

Tim Scott –

Pros – basically, is a black Mike Pence

Cons – basically, is a black Mike Pence

Vivek Ramaswamy –

Pros – successful (shady) businessman, was a perfect proxy for Trump at the debates

Cons – is a brown guy, served his purpose, Trump is done with him

I’m seriously doubtful Trump will pick a woman. His misogyny is a HUGE hindrance. He cannot stand powerful women. He called former Germany Chancellor Angela Merkel and former British PM Theresa May “losers”. Add to that the fact that Biden did it first, quite successfully, and the odds diminish further. These women vying for the position are doing so in vain. I’m sure the Trump camp is pushing for him to choose a female VP, and he might cave. Then again, when has Trump ever listened to anyone but Trump?

I see even less of a chance that Trump picks a man of color as his VP because Trump’s misogyny is only trumped (pun intended) by his racism. His history and stump speech rhetoric is proof positive of this. In 1973, the Nixon (yes, NIXON) DOJ brought a lawsuit against Donald and his father, Fred, for racial discrimination (funny footnote, Donnie tried to countersue the Justice Department for $100m for making false statements – the allegations were dismissed by the court. Sound familiar?). When he calls immigrants “animals” and “vermin”, he doesn’t mean immigrants like Ivana, Melania and Elon. He has started screeching about immigrants from the Congo. He wants to reinstate his “Muslim ban”. He called Mexicans “criminals and rapists”.

As for Carlson and DeSantis, both guys have been disloyal, however briefly. Don’t think Tucker’s texts have left Trump’s muddled brain. They’re saccharinely nice to each other. But it’s not the same as before the texts were made public. And DeSantis may as well have gone the Chris Christie route during his campaign (he might have lasted longer) because the mere act of running against Trump poisoned that weird political relationship.

I think Trump is going to pick an ultra-conservative white man. Someone who was relatively unknown when he was working behind the scenes in the run up to the insurrection. Someone who has proven he will do whatever the orange leader requests. I think Trump is going to pick another Evangelical man named Mike, who will happily stay in Trump’s shadow and will happily do what Pence did not.

Yep, I’m talking about MAGA Mike Johnson, Speaker of the House

(who my name-bungling coworker calls “Rawasabi”, which I find apropos – tolerable in small doses, overwhelmingly intolerable…)

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