RingSide Report

World News, Social Issues, Politics, Entertainment and Sports

Dog Weddings: Police Marry Canines in Mock Ceremonies – Ruining the Sanctity of Marriage

By Benita Henderson (Oh Sweet Benita) & James Rush

In Colombo, Sir Lanka, the police thought that marrying their bomb-sniffing dogs was a good idea and although they have apologized for this, I am still steaming mad! I am not for gay marriage…that’s one. God created Adam and Eve, NOT Adam and Steve and as my group, FRIENDS OF FAITH, battled to keep two dudes from having butt sex, we are now faced with dogs getting hitched and they may have been gay dogs for all we know. Jesus said “let the animals have sex in front of me, but my dingle will not sprout wood. If animals should want to marry, do not allow this as they have sex with my leg. Damn dog.” God hates animals getting married and hates butt sex too. I don’t make the rules people. I just follow them.

We have seen gay marriages and we now see dog marriages…what next…a man marrying a horse and having sex with it in the middle of the church?! Oh God, forgive them. They know not what they do. I am so happy to be a Jesus warrior and to battle the evils of this world and I am sending this plea to anyone that plans to participate in dog marriages, gay marriages, butt sex, butt sex with a dog, butt sex with cucumbers and any other disgusting act. Please come to my church and join the FRIENDS OF FAITH. We use the power of Christ to cure you of your need to take it in the ass and then you find Jesus. It may surprise you, but my fiancé was once gay and now all he thinks about is me, Sweet Ole Benita and the good Lord. His name is James Rush…my Rushy bear…

OH WHAT A RUSH with James Rush

Being a born again Christian and a Friend of Faith, I must say that it crushes my bones to know that these atheist heathens are marrying dogs. The good Lord has taught that marriage is one man, one woman, and no dogs and especially no sheep. Recently, Benita had to disfellow Antonio Martin, a member of Friends of Faith for continual unnatural relations with farm animals. It is tough love. Once he detaches from the sheep, he will be welcomed back and forgiven. You see, we are not here to condemn you to hell. We are here to offer the path to heaven and that does not involve butt sex or sex with animals or dog marriage. I am hoping that these police officers learn about Jesus and leave the dogs alone. Who let the dogs out? Oh what a rush!

Leave a Reply