By James Rusher
Oh what a rush! Yeah, you people that are talking smack about me are lucky that I’m a good Christian and will turn the other cheek, but I only have two cheeks…well, four, if you’re counting my juicy rump! I swear that if I see any of you that are “hating” on me, I will hit you so hard that you’ll think that your bones were crushed by the heavyweight champion of the entire world!
Undertaker? Yeah, you people like the dark side? Well, I encourage you all to come to my church and join Friends of Faith, headed up by my fiancée, sweet, sweet Benita Henderson. You need Jesus and God is good! Undertaker does not represent what a good Christian should be! And now I hear that he is facing some clown named “Sting.” Well, Sting…you say that you’re a godly man? You’re not. You’re a poser. You should be selling Amway…not wrestling.
My sweet Benita and I do love pro wrestling, but the devil’s influence is so evident. I want 90% of it censored. I know all of you good Christians agree. Oh what a rush!