“Stacy Speaks” Worried About My Ex, How to Say NO, Sex-Drive, Judgy Friend, & What’s Wrong with Me?

October 31st, 2020

Bad Brad

Hosted By Stacy Koruba

I need advice, Stacy, please.

My ex is a half-step from going back to her abusive BF that threatened our son. The same guy that is the reason our son chose to come live with me. Both of our kids say he’s turned this strong woman into a submissive wreck. I have no right to tell her what to do but I want her to be happy and I know she wasn’t when she was with him. She told me so when she called me as she made the decision to leave him. What can I do?

Kyle,
Seattle, WA

Hi Kyle,

If she trusted, you enough to talk to you about it when she was leaving him then she considers you a friend. As a friend you should talk to her and tell her your concerns, not only regarding her, but for your children. Going back to him is going to end up alienating your children from her , how will your son ever feel safe when he is around? How will your children not worry about their Mom knowing that she is in a relationship like this? You do have a right to speak up when you share children, and they are concerned. I think reaching out to her and letting know you care as a friend and talking to her in the same tone you did with me is a great start.

Hello Stacy,

Someone that I have not know for a real long time keeps asking me for money to help them out. At first, I was really worried about them needing food because they said they were homeless and then the request kept getting bigger and more often. I don’t have a lot myself. I began to realize that this person only seeks me out to ask for money or food, but never to just chat or even ask how I am. I am in a jam and don’t know what to do?

Kimberly,
Tampa, FL

Hi Kimberly,

I think it is such a great thing that you found it in your heart to help someone in need! I try to do the same when I can. There are those that do begin to take advantage, I have had it happen to me with my own family. Knowing how to set boundaries is especially important because some people just take and take for as long as another person is willing to give. It is so important to learn how to create healthy boundaries without guilt. Give what you feel you can, and what you want. Nothing more. Saying no is acceptable. If you cannot or just do not want to that is perfectly fine. If you are seeing signs that the person is only around when they want something for you, I believe that is a red flag. Go with your gut feeling, it is right often. Our heart tends to get in the way. Thank you for being so kind and generous. I appreciate you.

Stacy,

HELP! My sexual desires and needs don’t match my wives and I know she isn’t always going to want to do stuff when I feel like it, that’s alright by me. Everything is a crap show right now in life. What I don’t get is that she gets really pissed at me if I take care of business on my own. She’ll go day’s holdin a grudge, given me dirty looks and calling me a pig. I can’t or don’t want to live like this anymore. She’s not willing to compromise and 1 time a month isn’t cutting it for me. What’s a guy to do?

Stan,
Warren, MI

Dear Stan,

You are going to have to discuss this with your wife. What you do with your body is your decision and personally I do not agree that should be angry with you about it. You are understanding enough to know that she needs her own space, she should give you the same respect. Calling you names or holding grudges against you for days is not any sort of healthy solution for a good marriage. Having a calm talk about both of your needs and ways to compromise would be the place to start. I am not suggesting that you lie to your wife because honesty is particularly important, but I am wondering why she needs to know about what you do in private, with yourself? She does not. Explain this to her in a gentle but firm way. Good luck to both of you.

Stacy,

My very close friend has become very judgy since the beginning of the year, or I’m just noticing since I spend more time talking to her. She likes to assume crazy stuff about our other friends just because of where they go or the way they dress or even by other people they associate with. I love her so much, but all this negativity is a downer and I find myself ignoring her texts and calls very often. What would you do about her?

Laura
Santa Barbara, CA

Hello Laura,

I suggest you talk to your friend about the way she has recently started acting. Perhaps Covid has her on edge or a bit judgmental without realizing it. Close friends that love one another should feel comfortable enough to approach each other with things like this. I am sure you are not her only friend that notices her behavior and not many people are going to want to continue a relationship with her. Trying have a talk with her and see what is really going on.

Stacy,

I’m having bi-sexual feelings, but the feelings are only sexual. I am not interested in having a relationship with another man and don’t have romantic feelings towards other men. Is there something wrong with me?

Steve,
Homer Glen, IL

Steve,

I do not think there is anything wrong with you at all. Your feeling bi-curious and if that is what is going on in your mind it is your normal and quite common. Society places far too many constraints, expectations and labels on us all. My suggestion is to think about and do what feels right for you. Research everything you can about this because there is a lot of information available. There is nothing wrong with you!

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