“Stacy Speaks”: All in the Family, Semester Off, No Time for Me, 3rd Wheel & 6 Shooter…

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Hosted By Stacy Koruba

Stacy,

Do you think it would be inappropriate for me to ask family members that I know are struggling to move in with me because I’m struggling as well? I have the biggest home out of the 3 families and I’m single with an adult child that lives in their own place. I could use some help with the bills and know my sister and cousin and her family could too. I’m feeling uneasy about asking because I don’t want them to think I am trying to take advantage or that I feel sorry for them. Any suggestions?

Christi
Portland, OR

Christi,

Asking your family members if they are interested in sharing your home with you sounds like a great opportunity for everyone. It does not have to be awkward at all if you do not make it that way. If your home is large enough you could rent the extra rooms to other people during these times so suggesting the space to people to know and love would not be anything but loving and supportive. Be sure to establish rules, boundaries, expectations and financial obligations upfront so that everyone involved is aware of what is expected of them ahead of time. Getting everything in writing is also suggested.

Dear Stac,

I attended my first semester of college classes online and while I got alright grades, I don’t believe the online version is everything I was expecting from school. Yeah, I know this is the best there is to offer right now with Covid, but my heart or brain were not into it and I don’t feel like the professors were as well. I’d really like to take the next semester off and wait it out until next Fall, yet I also believe my parents will view me as a failure and I hate to disappoint. How to I let them know? It’s not like I plan on sitting around doing nothing, I just don’t want to continue like this.

Paul,
Minneapolis, MM

Hi Paul,

I would suggest talking to your parents honestly and letting them know your thoughts on the situation. You are an adult, and they cannot or should not try to force you into doing something that you are not prepared to do at the moment. I am not aware of the entire situation so I really cannot help you make any decisions except letting you know that the lines of communication should remain open. Often times other people see things from a different perspective that we may not be considering so it is good to get other opinions at least and then make an informed decision. You may not enjoy what you are doing but if scholarships are involved that you will lose pushing through from another semester could make more sense. I wish you well in whatever decision you decide.

Hi Stacy,

How would you handle feeling disconnected from favorite friends or family members? I am not working now, so I have a lot of free time and it gets lonely being at home all the time. I’ve noticed myself getting pretty touchy and emotional at people when they don’t reply to texts or messages right away. I’m aware that these feelings are irrational and at the same time I can’t help feeling sad and upset and sometimes even upset when I find out that they have talked to other friends or family before me.

Signed,

Lonely boi
All over, USA

Dear Lonely boi

I would start behaving like an adult and realize that other people have other things going on in life and just because they don’t answer you when you feel they should does not mean that they don’ love you like crazy or that they are not thinking about you or that they do not want anything to do with you. The amount of extra free time you have now is creating extra space for your mind to wander and your expectations that other people fill up that space with attention is childish. Take that time to better yourself, read a book, educate yourself, exercise, pamper yourself, get extra rest, take up a hobby, do things around the house you have been neglecting and cut your friends and family some slack.

Hello,

Due to the Covid-19 situation I lost my job and moved back home with my Mom & Dad 4 months ago. I’m beginning to feel like such a strain on them. I’m ashamed daily when they work, and I can’t. I do look or jobs but there is nothing out there right now. My savings is depleted so I’m depending on them for everything. This is causing major depression, I just sleep a lot, trying to avoid life in general and hear them arguing over me sometimes because of the added stress me being here is causing. I don’t want to mention my feelings to them directly because then I’ll just feel shittier and guiltier. How to cope?

Jenni
Boston, MA

Jenni,

Life is such a struggle right now for so many people, please do not allow the circumstances to let you feel like you have failed in some way. Millions of people have lost their way to earn and have found themselves in similar situations, and some do not have family to turn too. Your Mom and Dad are doing what the can and want at this time, you may not be able to contribute financially to the house but there are so many ways that you can help that will ease their stress levels. Depression is tough to deal with, I know. Sleeping a lot and avoiding life seems like a great option but we cannot always do that, your parents cannot. Watching you in that state must be added stress for them. Look for ways to lighten the load at home without having to ask them because you do not want it to seem as if it is a chore. Clean the house, cook the meals and have them ready when your parents are finished with work, do the shopping, ask to do the laundry and then ask if there are other household responsibilities you can take over. I believe taking on a role in the home will make you feel better about yourself, contributing does not always have to include providing money.

Stacy,

My ex has full custody of our eight yr. old son, yesterday I found out that since we divorced, he has taken an interest in gun ownership and shooting. He told me that he now owns 6 guns, 4 that are hidden in his Moms home because he lives with her and she doesn’t like guns so she can’t know that they are there. The other 2 he keeps in his car. His plans include teaching our son how to learn to use a gun when he is old enough. I’m horrified with this information. When I tried telling him my concerns, he cut me off saying he has full custody, so my opinion doesn’t count. I fear for the safety of my child.

Sue,
Phoenix, AZ

Hi Sue,

I can not give you legal advice because honestly, I am not sure what they law really are, I do know that guns need to be stored properly at all times and kept out of reach of your child. Having conversations with your ex about those topics would be a great place to begin. You are not going to change his mind about gun ownership, but you may be able to come to a mutual agreement on the storage methods and proximity of the guns to your son. Having 2 in the car seems questionable. If your son is going to be around guns knowing how to use them safely is the best you can hope for, so discuss having a professional train him and perhaps see if you can attend those lessons.

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