Doctor Curmudgeon® A Newly Certified Partial Recluse?

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By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAP Doctor Eisman, is in Family Practice in Aventura, Florida with her partner, Dr. Eugene Eisman, an internist/cardiologist

I, Doctor Curmudgeon have had concerns that I may be drifting into an incipient reclusiveness.

Due to recent events, I have begun to fear that the appellation of ‘recluse’ may actually apply to me. Therefore I sought solace with one of my favorite references, Wikipedia:
“A recluse is a person who lives in voluntary seclusion from the public and society. The word is from the Latin recludere, which means “shut up” or “sequester”. Historically, the word referred to a hermit’s total isolation from the world.”
I sigh with relief on finding this explanation of recluse.

I reside with others.
I speak on the phone.
I continue to answer the door (with great caution, through a peephole)
I do telemedicine with patients and Facetime with friends and family
Occasionally, I leave my home for important errands. (In Hazmat gear, of course)
I can now wipe my brow with relief.
Why did I think that I might be a recluse?
Ah, indeed! In recent months, thoughts have rampaged through my brain that would never have occurred to me a year ago. I had feared that reflections such as those listed below might be an indication of a burgeoning reclusiveness:

1. Which lounging apparel or pajamas should I wear today? Should I attire myself in a more formal set when I engage in telemedicine with my patients? Will they even care?

2. A corollary to the above is a decision about eye makeup. Is it necessary to be worn in the above situation?

3. Another corollary to thought number 1 is: How on earth do I put it on? It’s been so long that I have forgotten how to swipe my lashes and line my eyes.

4. While driving home. I noticed a sign that said, “Men working.” Why does it say ‘men?’ Don’t women work, too? Shouldn’t the sign say something like, “men or women working,” or maybe “people working?”

5. Since I have been home so many more hours than usual, I find myself going up and down the stairs far more frequently. I really notice the stairs now. As I grip the banister, I think about falling down the stairs. And I wonder, why don’t I feel concern about falling UP the stairs?

6. While sipping my coffee, eating my fruit and enjoying melted mozzarella cheese on sprouted grain bread, I happened to glance at my refrigerator because it made a noise. And I saw far too many magnets holding recipes, calendars, reminders…and I began to worry…what if we put one more item on its door ….and it toppled over?

7. And finally, why is tomato soup often paired with grilled cheese sandwiches? I despise the former while I find comfort in the latter.

Again, I wipe my forehead in relief. I am not a complete recluse. Famous recluses like J.D. Salinger and Emily Bronte could never have had thoughts such as the above.

Q.E.D.

Dr. Curmudgeon suggests “Bitter Medicine”, Dr. Eugene Eisman’s story of his experiences–from the humorous to the intense—as a young army doctor serving in the Vietnam War.

Bitter Medicine by Eugene H. Eisman, M.D. –on Amazon

Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.

SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”