By Nikki Slusher

As I sit in my living room trying to think of the words that accurately describe how I am feeling over what happened in D.C. today, it is taking everything inside of me to not use fuck every other word. Initially, my inner bitch was ready to go kick down the door of the White House bunker myself and drag his ass across the lawn but that is unrealistic, nor would it be okay in any shape or form. The other part of me that is hurt wanted to leave this country and never turn back. But I can’t do that, this is my homeland, and I will fight with everything inside of me before I watch the pillars of our democracy fall at the hands of an unblended spray-tanned, cheap ass toupee wearing buffoon. So, before I begin this major ass ripping, let me make one thing very clear: if you feel personally victimized by this message then you need to have a serious evaluation with yourself on ethics, morality, and an exam on the Constitution. Your feelings are no longer fucking relevant, mkay? Now that we’re all on the same page let’s dive right in because there’s a long list of assholes who are about to get torn.