“Stacy Speaks”: Finding Followers, No Manners MIL, Lying Girlfriend, Toothache & Feeling Invisible
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Hosted by Stacy Koruba
Finding Followers
Stacy
How do you get followers, I see you get new ones every day? I am on often and don’t get many. It must be because you are always so cheerful, but that is not in my personality. I have a lot of problems to deal with. Can you help?
Nikki, Madison, WI
Nikki,
I get followers by following people that I see who I think I have things in common with. The people I like to follow are funny, love animals or share the same political views as me. I also follow every Vet that I can because I love supporting them. Find others that share the same interests as you and then follow, often they will follow back. Engaging with others on threads is another way to get people to follow you, people are not going to get to know you without you putting yourself out there. I do not get new followers every day, by the way, and that is alright, because I am more concerned in building quality contacts. Be sure to tweet your thoughts and comment to others that speak to you. I’m not always cheerful, I have had a life full of trauma, twitter is where I have been able to find a place that brings me joy. Find your place as well, Nikki, because living in your problems constantly is rough, and we all need a break. I hope this has helped some.
No Manners MIL
Dear Stacy,
I have been married to my husband for 16 years, every time I go to my MIL’s house she eventually moves the convo to is ex-wife, how great she was, how much she admired her and how often the still talk on the phone. My husband was only married to her for 2 years. That divorce ended because she was having an affair. I’ve asked him many times to do something about this, yet her never does. What should I do? It hurts very bad because his Mom has never taken the time to get to know me.
Shar Nashville, TN
Shar,
Your MIL sounds like a real piece of work and your husband has not learned how to stand up to her. The way this woman has treated you and continues to is unacceptable. You are an adult and must create healthy boundaries for yourself. Putting yourself in situations that are hurtful to you should not be an option any longer. She has made it obvious by her behavior that she gets some sort of pleasure by hurting you. DO NOT allow her the option to do that any longer.
Of course, you cannot demand that your husband stop seeing her, but it certainly is your right that she is no longer in your life. She has made her decision about what wife she wants in her life, and luckily it is not you. You really do not want such a negative person in your life anyway.
Lying Girlfriend
Stacy,
I moved in with my girlfriend 3 months ago, we dated for 2.5 years and she has always known that I love dogs. I grew up with them in my family, and my parents had 3 while I was dating her before moving in together. We talked many times about getting one of our own. Now that we have a place of our own, she let me know she hates animals, thinks they are dirty, smelly a waste of time and money. She said I can have a dog if it lives outside. When I asked why she never told me all this she told me it was because she was positive that once I loved her my love for dogs would go away. What do I do now?
Jordan, Henderson NV
Jordan,
RUN as fast as you can. This woman has lied to you for 2.5 years. She has overlooked your love of animals and deceived you. If a person loves you, they will never expect your love for them to be deeper than your love for something else. How kind of her to give you “permission” to have a dog and abandoned it to a life of loneliness outside, in the Nevada heat. How would you feel about yourself after doing that? You have grown up with animals that have always had a place in your heart and family. It sounds like she doesn’t fit in to what your beliefs are and eventually you are going to end up resenting her. Before long you will start thinking she is dirty, smelly and a waste of time and money. Find a person to spend your time with or life with that shares the same interests and loves as you. That will bring you much more happiness. I promise.
Toothache
Stacy,
I have had a toothache that has been hurting so bad I’m thinking about drinking until I can’t feel a thing and pulling it myself. It is infected and swollen. My head feels like it’s in a vice. I don’t have health insurance and I lost my job 4 months ago. I’m acting like a chicken and afraid to do it, just tell me to get it over with so I can get out of this pain!
Chuck, Ann Arbor MI
Chuck,
I am so sorry to hear that you are suffering. Tooth aches and infections are not a thing you want to deal with on your own. They can cause serious medical issues and pulling it out on your own is not going to make the pain go away, although I know now you are seeking immediate relief. Tooth infections can spread to your jaw or other areas of your neck and head. You could even develop sepsis. I would go to the emergency room to get the infection treated. They can not deny you service, even if you do not have health insurance. University of Michigan School of Dentistry is open to the public and offers service on a sliding scale fee. Their number is 888-707-2500. Many dentists will work with a person if they do not have insurance and will take payments, please call some in your area.
Invisible
Stacy,
I am 18 and my sister is 24. I have some medical issues and every time I come home with a new diagnosis my sister cuts me off and claims that she has the same illness as me. She never listens to anything I have to say about my sickness or what I need from her, she immediately wants to turn the focus on her. It shuts me down and then I feel like I can’t be open with her about how I feel. She never discusses anything wrong with her after that or goes to the Doctor. I don’t know if she is making fun of me or just doesn’t want to listen to me talk about myself. I feel invisible around her. Before I got sick, we used to be close.
Savannah, Butte, MT
Hi, Savannah,
I understand how you are feeling. I think it would be great if you sat down and talked to your sister about how you are feeling. Maybe she is struggling with you having health issues and this is her way of dealing with it. I had an older sister that was ill and for a long time I did not know how to accept that she was sick so the way I dealt with it was by down-playing it or pretending that she was going to get better. Eventually she talked to me and I started playing an active role in going to the doctor with her so that I could understand her health issues better. I become her main caregiver as the years went by and now that she is gone, I am grateful that she allowed me to play that part in her life. I believe your sisters behavior is based on fear or uncertainty, not because she doesn’t care. Please let her know that you need her now. It will be good for both of you.
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